Awkwardly, as always.

Hey,

So, on a very unrelated note – which lets just get something straight. This blog here was my personal catacomb, which originally housed my innermost feelings. I mean, sappy poetry, and heartache. Then I started recapping Supernatural once I’d forgotten about that pain. Yes, children. Pain can be forgotten, just as often as other things.

See, I’m twenty-five years old and I just started living, well, no. In a lot of ways, I’m still not living. My life isn’t what I imagined it to be. Not nearly as fun and outgoing as I used to be. A little over a year ago, I started working. I never had a job before and I had my reasons. I always thought I’d finish a novel straight out of high school, which I did. Go me. But it was so juvenile, that I couldn’t stand the thought of it being published. 426 pages of nothing.

I mean, I submitted it anyway and my, you should have seen the response from Scholastic. Along with their respectful decline, which stated that my story was too mature for their audience, they also sent me a copy of the ‘fuck you‘ Writing For Beginners handbook. Because you know, I needed a good writing prompt.

This job though. A good job can make you feel appreciated and a bad job can make you feel expendable. I’d like you to know that I felt like nothing today. I was promoted and demoted so quickly. I’d never felt so stressed or let down. The things that hurt me make me cry. I’m not going to pretend to be stoic, because I’m not.

As far as my job is concerned, I’m just a number. It doesn’t matter how well I perform. The only people who notice my efforts are the customers I’ve helped and I do love their feedback. In fact, I’m thoroughly convinced that that’s what gets me through another day. I come from a family who loves helping and assisting others. I’m a bit different though. Instead of going medical, I decided to go the gaming route. No big shock there. I love gaming. So, I became a gaming support specialist. What do I do? I take calls, mainly hardware. There were days I couldn’t take it though. There were bad calls where customers cursed at me and degraded me to the point where it changed my perspective on the human race.

There were also inappropriate calls and believe me, there’s nothing more disturbing, than having to help a customer who is getting off on the other end to the sound of your voice. Young teenagers, as well as older adults. And since you lack any plausible proof that they’re touching themselves, you can’t even call them out on it, otherwise you would be the one in trouble.

I can deal with the calls and the long hours. I can part with my family every single holiday / special occasion out of the year. I guess I was just looking for loyalty? Security? This whole experience makes me feel like I should be doing something else. It makes me realize that the magic has run out for me.

The idea of living was more charming, than the actual experience.

Supernatural Recap 9.09 – Holy Terror

I’ve had a few days to wind down over this last episode. My big question is how come Supernatural waited to be this good this season at the finale? Why at the end of the mid-season finale? It should have been consistently good as it was last night. Supernatural is indeed known for their amazing finales, but I feel like they greedily withheld from us, until this last episode – AND this last episode, I just don’t even know what to say.

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We start off with a bus full of religious, Melody Ministry Glee Club, the singing sisters are heading to a biker bar. At first this may seem a little odd, however if you were partaking in an angel war, you would certainly start off by charging straight for your enemy, correct? No? Some of you guys are about strategy? Some of you all aren’t about sloppy, childish back and forth tug o’ war? Because that’s exactly what I found this to be. The angels aren’t deadly to me. At least not anymore. I was completely turned off by the two angel factions; Team Malachi or Team Bartholomew. Each side wants to reverse Metatron’s spell and rule Heaven. As a result of this struggle for power and followers, they’re forcing angels to decide where their loyalties lie. Meanwhile, they’re just going to keep slaughtering each other – these factions. It’s so senseless and moronic. Just reverse the spell first. Kill Metatron. Work as a team.

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Meanwhile, Ezekiel is assuring Dean that Sam just needs a little bit longer. Yeah, well you said that last week, and the week before that. We’ve seen Sam look really good and then not so well. The healing is fluctuating and that’s bothersome. Why Dean doesn’t pick up on this, I just can’t rationalize it. Ezekiel tells Dean that he’s uncomfortable with the angel case they’re about to pick up. The only way he could have known that was if he listened in on the brothers discussing it. I love the little touch too, like, No. I don’t listen in on you and Sam, Dean. I’m sure you don’t. Like, fuck. Wait until I get to this bastard later. Sam comes to and resumes his sentence from 50 miles ago. Last time Sam saw the sign, it read 100 miles to go.

Sam saw the sign! It opened up his eyes, he saw the sign! Sam finally catches onto the fact that chunks of time are just randomly missing and he has no idea why. Dean, can you shed some light on the situation? No? I didn’t think so. Please lie some more to your brother. Supernatural should have its own arc name. For instance:

Supernatural Season One: Dad Starts Hunting Trip
Supernatural Season Two: Dad Finishes Hunting Trip
Supernatural Season Three: Demons
Supernatural Season Four: Angels
Supernatural Season Five: Angels Again
Supernatural Season Six: More Angels
Supernatural Season Seven: And more Angels with a side of Dick.
Supernatural Season Eight: Angels and Demons
Supernatural Season Nine: LIES  

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Anyways, the slaughter of the Boyle’s Boys, the biker angel squad, leads the Winchesters to the scene. They’re told that one of their own is currently inside at the moment. Garth? Charlie? No! It’s Castiel and you know what, I’m glad. After episode three, I assumed he was just going to listen to Dean and stay safely inside the store confines, continuing that mundane routine of his, however we all knew better. Castiel doesn’t follow orders. He is going to do what he feels is right. It was torture for him. The blame was on his shoulders, he was the last touch that Metatron needed to lock the angels out of Heaven.  Castiel is taking on the responsibility. He couldn’t just sit there day after day, watching the news, reading the papers, constantly being reminded that his brothers and sisters need him.

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The interaction between Sam and Castiel is something to be cherished. We don’t usually get to see those two bonding. Sam hasn’t even seen Castiel in…god, how long now? So, when they address each other as ‘agent’, it’s just downright adorable. However Dean isn’t happy, but only because Ezekiel has got to be fucking furious, which he is. He comes out just long enough to glare hard at Dean. The Winchester walks away, because it’s safer to just get the hell out of dodge.

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Castiel and the boys knock back some beers. Although this is his first time drinking beer as a human, the ex-angel seems to manage quite well. I feel bad for Dean, since he’s unable to actually enjoy being in Castiel’s presence. He only had a single moment, before it was ruined by Ezekiel. He’s like a nagging wife. Nothing Dean does is right. Some shit is just out of his control, but Ezekiel can’t accept it. But Dean finally does something right and he asks questions. What is Ezekiel so afraid of? Oh, he’s have to choose sides? Big whoop! Castiel is a beacon, but he’s still putting his ass on the line to help angels. What makes Ezekiel so special? I was like, thank god. Yes, Dean. When Castiel comes back with some more beer, he leaves the table. By the way, why is Dean allowing Ezekiel to walk off with Sam’s body? Has the Winchester already given in to trusting him wholeheartedly?

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Don’t leave Dean and Cas alone, Castiel will leave. Damn it, Ezekiel. The two remain discussing more lies. Castiel’s genuine confusion on why Dean always looks uncomfortable whenever Sam mentions him leaving the bunker. Didn’t you tell Sam that you told me to leave? Of course he didn’t, Cas. Dean doesn’t even outright admit to Castiel that he hasn’t told Sam the truth. He just goes into how he has to help Sammy, because he’s still messed up over the trials, and hey – if that means not being around you for awhile, Cas, then that’s what it means. Okay? We can’t work together. Let me write it down on a napkin for you. Op – that’s my private cellphone number. Here you go. And that look on Castiel’s face is so sad, so pitiful, I almost want to punch Dean in the dick, except I have a feeling he would probably enjoy it.

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Uhm, then you know. Outside the bar, being an absolute creep on so many levels, leans Metatron against the side of the building.

Metatron: I know who you really are and it isn’t Ezekiel.

I was like, Oh, hell. Because one, Dean deserves this – all of this, and even though that sounds harsh, it’s just true. Dean needs to never ever trust anyone ever again is what I understand. So, this entire time, inside Sam, was not the honorable and good angel Ezekiel, but the imprisoned angel named Gadreel.  He was the one who released evil unto the world, despite claiming that it was not his fault. Anyways, Metatron is lonely up in Heaven, whistling in the empty halls of Heaven. He would like to rebuild it and open up the gates to a select few. Some funny angels, maybe, but not the stupid ones. Metatron spins a real good story, about how Gadreel can and should redeem himself in this new Heaven, appealing to the angel who feels wrongfully accused and would love nothing more than to right himself.

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These two start meeting each other out in daylight. Again, Gadreel is able to just waltz out the door as Sam to go and meet with Metatron. Here is where we learn Meta-douche’s real plans, which is to rule up in Heaven as the new God and go by the name X. Okay, so basically Metatron’s idea is the same as the other factions, except he can reverse the spell and manipulate it however he pleases. Oh, by the way, if you want to rule beside me, Gadreel, you’ll have to first take out an entire list of people I don’t like, starting with this person *hands over paper* now decide.
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To lighten up the mood, we have Castiel on his knees with his hands closed tightly together. Yes, he’s trying to pray. He doesn’t receive an answer as fast as he’d like, so he continues international prayers and stances, trying to catch an angel’s attention. Well, it works, because soon Muriel appears. She’s this adorable blond officer, who despite knowing she shouldn’t help Castiel, goes ahead and hears him out anyway. Unfortunately, she’s found by Malachi’s men, the large guy known as Theo. The two are captured and taken to some underground torture chamber.

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This is the part where Castiel tells the truth about not knowing how Metatron did the spell, not wanting to be part of it, being an unwilling accomplice and no one believes a word. How many times has he explained himself? Let’s think about this for a second. Why would Castiel want the angels to fall? Why would he want to be a beacon? Why would he knowingly sign off on his own death warrant? Castiel telling the truth only leads to the death of Muriel. To this, he is ashamed that angels are butchering one another. Malachi informs him that they’re just following Castiel’s example. Remember season seven? The slaughtering of all of those angels, yet how about more recently in the fall – Malachi starts listing a few angels who died when they landed to earth, one of the names being Ezekiel.

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Castiel latches onto this immediately, remembering that Ezekiel was the angel who healed up Sam. Malachi leaves the ex-angel in good hands, those hands being Theo’s, however the angel has something else in mind. He wants to go to Heaven and be with Metatron. He picked the wrong side and wants nothing to do with Bartholomew. Theo knows that no one is going to survive the angel war and just wants to get the hell out of here. Just going to throw this out there now, Metatron wants smart, funny Angels, Theo. So, far you’re as stupid as stupid gets.Castiel plays up that he’s working partners with Metatron and will be able to help him out. He’s soon released from his chains and takes what he needs, that being Theo’s grace. He slices the angel’s neck and consumes the essence, gaining back his abilities. His once sliced, bruised face is now healed without a flaw. Castiel smites Theo and goes to find himself a payphone.

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Dean gets a call from Castiel, this is where he learns that the leader of the unknown faction they’ve been trying to place is named Malachi. I love how we knew that like, five minutes into the episode, but Dean is just learning it now thirty-two minutes in. Castiel goes over how he was captured and how he stole someone else’s grace. And thank god for that. I should have touched up on it in the previous paragraph. Castiel has plans, he’s driven, and he’s efficient. He’s a warrior, so give him the tools and he will fight. He will get the job done. Now everything he wanted to get done, he will. And I hope he takes revenge at some point. Metatron, watch yourself.

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There’s more Dean. Castiel informs the Winchester that Ezekiel died in the fall. This leads him to Kevin to ask for a spell and he has the perfect cover for it. An angel can’t be expelled by another human, only the host, right? Kay, well, is there a way to speak to the host without interference from the possessing angel. Despite the slight confusion, Kevin agrees and helps Dean with the sigil. Kevin is able to tell that something is up, but Dean

Dean: Trust me.
Kevin: I always trust you and I always end up screwed.
Dean:  Come on. Always? Not always.

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Then we see Sam back from his little beer run. Dean requests that they speak alone, leading his brother to the storage room, where he then cuts his hand and actives the spell. This is the moment where Dean tells the truth about Sam’s condition and the angel who possesses him. Sam is of course, hurt. He’s being all Sam like, ‘So, once again you thought I couldn’t handle something and you took over.’ Then Dean reveals their bigger problem, the fact that the angel lied to him about being Ezekiel – now this jumps off the rails. Turns out that it wasn’t Sam, but Gadreel that entire time and for god only knows how long. After the bar? A little after that?
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Gadreel walks out and sees Kevin standing there, grabbing his attention. The prophet being genuinely concerned about Dean, asks if he’s noticed anything weird about Dean lately. Speak of the devil! Dean turns the corner just in time to watch Gadreel smite Kevin. There’s little the Winchester could do, finding himself pinned to a surface, unable to move. Apparently Gadreel overheard Dean speaking with Kevin earlier about the sigil. So, that bastard just listens in on everything. He went and altered the sigil, rendering it ineffective. He packs up the tablet and goes to place down that yellow slip of paper that Metatron gave him earlier. The first person on his to die list, I’m assuming since Kevin was able to read the tablet, to read Metatron’s words. Gadreel leaves Dean with, ‘Sorry about Kevin, but ultimately, it’s for the best. I did what I had to.’ and exits the bunker.

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Dean speaks to Kevin, almost as if he’s not dead right in front of his face. I think he’s broken this time, I mean really, really broken. However, the thought of Crowley and Castiel coming to sweep up the mess is just fantastic. Like, this had to happen. I just wished it did not. I’m actually still hoping Crowley needs his fix so bad that he finds a way to bring Kevin back to life. Someone sell their soul, damn it! Do something Crowley. So, yes, we should all look forward to this unlikely duo, January 14th!

– Nick and I have decided to do a small segment for the weeks without Supernatural called, Why the Hell Am I Watching This? However, it will not be posted here on my blog, but on my Youtube channel.

You all have a wonderful Christmas!

Supernatural Recap 9.08 – Rock and a Hard Place

Video recap:

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Kay. So, right off the bat, judging by the title of this episode and the premise of the preview after episode seven, Rock and a Hard Place – is the irony lost on anyone? I doubt it. Let’s get to the point this week, since work has literally obliterated my desire to do much of anything, even the things I love. This is probably the shortest review you’ll ever see from me. By the way, I hope you all had a super wonderful Thanksgiving. The girl at the beginning of this episode, Honor, hands some food to the local hobo and heads on her merry away. Then she starts to get those, hey – it’s late at night paranoia feels and has a feeling that someone is watching her. For whatever reason, she feels that she would be safer hiding under a car with her taser.  Sure, sure. Maybe, Honor. Then we see someone lifting up the SUV she decided to hide under and blue flames engulf Honor completely. Well, thank god.

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Oh, wait. It’s not over yet. The same person who stalked and grabbed Honor drags her over to a bomb shelter-esque hole, on a farm… somewhere and drops her down. Farms, bomb shelters… I don’t even know. Just stay with me.

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Sam is peacefully sleeping, half strewn across the table with his bowl of cereal in front of him. It’s about as adorable as you can get in Supernatural. Please fall asleep more often, Sammy. And I’m not sure where Dean would be today if he wasn’t a fully fledged douche, as he interrupts his brother from his nap by dropping a bowl beside his head. The loud clatter startles the Winchester, as he is now alert. Dean makes a comment that Sam is sick. Which why would you wake him if you think he’s sick? Sam says that it’s like his batteries won’t recharge. Hey, Zeke? Hun neh? What are you using your strength for if it’s not to heal Sam? Just real awkward that Dean doesn’t pick up on this. Unless everyone except the viewers are aware that this is natural.

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Dean gets a call from Jody Mills. I love this woman, because she’s badass in Supernatural and in real life. Ah, Kim Rhodes. So anyways, she claims that she may have a case for the boys. Last week four people went missing and a witness says that he watched someone lift an SUV. Dean perks at this and decides that yes, they’re going. They arrive on scene in Hartford, Dakota. There they are greeted by Jody, who fills them in on the victims. One pastor, an engaged couple, and Honor, all having the same bond, which is that they go to the same church.

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Slim, the hobo is the key witness in this investigation. He reveals Honor’s name, mentions what he saw and heard the night of her abduction, and thankfully brings up those blue flames. How was this not relevant when Jody made her call to the Winchesters? Dean’s way of thanking Slim is paying his money for his information. I guess that’s an act of kindness.

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Down at Good Faith Church, Dean and Sam decide to become virgins in order to join a member’s only chastity club that the victims were all included in. Here we meet Bonnie (Lindy Booth), the woman in charge of church registration as well as the APU club itself. Dean shows a bit of skepticism towards the Purity Pledge that is supposed to turn one back into a virgin. This is where Bonnie appears offended and short, but quickly regains composure. It would honestly take zero conviction for the Winchesters to sign off on whatever if it meant solving the case, so begins their clean slate.

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An attractive blond woman named Suzy (Susie Abromeit) begins leading silent prayer for those who are missing. Dean is of course checking her out and it’s kind of a relief to see him doing so. I almost thought he had given up entirely. Tammy shares that she wrote a new piece of verse, called ‘Sex is a racket and God’s ball is in your court’.  Then Sam and Dean get asked to share why they’ve decided to reclaim their virginity. Sam is honest, that the women he’s had relations with have never turned out well. Dean is more than honest about sex, how good it feels, and what he enjoys doing during – but then adios.  Always the adios. Pulls something out of an erotic novel and leaves every woman there all hot and bothered.

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Then everyone goes into a breakout and is free to roam and talk to each other. Dean tells Sam that Suzy seems familiar, to which Sam rolls his eyes and asks if that line works anymore. However, the elder Winchester is genuine about his curiosity, and the fact that he also wants to sleep with her. So, when Suzy tells him of some books on chastity that she has back at her place, Dean decides to go with her to borrow them since it’s oh-so dangerous out these days.

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Poor Sam is left alone with Bonnie, learning that Honor was her favorite among the members. Tammy hears this and goes up to Sam once Bonnie has left, jealous and outraged. At least Tammy was able to provide Sam with information that was later backed up by Jody soon after, that the victims aren’t being taken because they’re pure. You do not have to be a virgin to be snatched up, you just have to take the purity pledge and break it. That basically crosses off dragons. Jody notices that Sam doesn’t look too well, which again brings me to WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN THERE, ZEKE? It’s stated by Mills that Sam and Dean have something special. I’m not too sure after next week, but as it stands now, sure. Yes.

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Back at Suzy’s place, Dean lights a candle and tries to set the mood. Unfortunately, his plans of seducing her are cut short when he finds her crying on the couch. She pats the spot next to her and asks that he prays with her for missing friends. After praying, she grabs the stack of books for Dean and goes to the little girls’ room? Dean sets the books down to finally answer Sam’s calls and catches eye of a DVD for Casa Erotica, starring Suzy. Of course! That’s why Suzy is so familiars, she’s starred in the only television-related porn that has ever been aired on Supernatural. Go look up its origins. It’s funny as fuckle.  Anyways, Sam informs Dean that it’s not dragons. Hearing Suzy, Dean hangs up and begins to confront her in a teasing away about her ‘work’. Apparently she does some amazing things with tacos? And Dean even considered joining a mariachi band just to feel closer to her. She’s on his bucket-to-do- list. And slowly, but surely he reminds her of how amazing she is – with a couple words in Spanish, the two start going at it.

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Honor is roaming her new surroundings with her taser, searching for whatever she can find, and hopefully a way out. Here we see people moving about like creeps, but it turns out to be the other victims. Among them is Pastor Fred, who gets swallowed up in the blue flames and in the distance, Honor, Barb, and Neal can hear Fred screaming. Enjoy that, kids! For you shall be next…

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Dean opens the door as he and Suzy are saying adios and the blue flames shoots at them, sending them on the floor unconscious. Meanwhile Sam and Jody are on their way over, since apparently an hour and a half means that his brother is getting lucky. Unfortunately by the time they arrive, Dean and Suzy are already gone – down in the hole, being discovered by Honor and two of the douchiest people I’ve ever seen in Supernatural, and I’ve seen Dick Roman. Barb is scraping her nails down the wall in order to drink her own blood to quench her thirst. Neal is contemplating sacrificing Honor because she has a sprained ankle.

Dean: Where are we?
Neal: Hell

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Well, no sir. No. You’re wrong on that one. Dean has been to Hell and this is not Hell, not even close. Keep talking about sacrificing Honor and he may very well put you there. Jody is able to find an article on blue flames and virgins. Guess who? Vesta, Roman Goddess of the Hearth. In the video recap I said heart. I probably said heart a dozen times. Anyways, Vesta has six virgins sacrificed to her and they had to remain celibate for 30 years before she consumed them. If they broke it, then they were buried alive.

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Using one of his many hidden phones, Dean is able to call Sam. Coincidentally the call is made just as a train is going by, giving Sam a start on where to find his brother. They discover that there is an old farm near a train station and head off to go investigate, but before that they need to find oak stained in virgin blood. Although it was sweet of Sam to offer up his blood, they’re gonna need the real deal. So, they head off to find Tammy, who is being less than cooperative.

Tammy: I’m calling the cops.
Jody: *punches Tammy in the nose, gets blood off napkin* I am the cops.
Tammy: What the fudge, lady!
Jody: Wipe your nose, dear.

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Sam and Jody show up at the farm and begin looking around, when Sam finds the latch to the underground prison < —– I honestly have no idea what the hell it is. Shelter? Storage compartment? Dean hears Sam, Sam hears Dean – as he tries to get the lid open, when suddenly he’s sent flying backwards into unconscious land. Usually when this happens, Zeke comes out and powns ass, but he’s not available at the moment. Excuse me?  This entire thing is just weird. Jody is grabbed and gets pressed against a surface and we see that Vesta is actually Bonnie. Congratulations to everyone who saw that coming, because I sure didn’t.

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Bonnie gets Jody on her table and ties her down. Meanwhile Dean is working with first-aid tools to loosen a screw. With one arm free, Jody attempts to stab Bonnie with the oak stake, when it gets taken by the goddess and is held high as if she intends to stab her, then Sam comes to and charges into Bonnie. This sends the stake through Jody’s chest. Whoops! She struggles to remove the stake as Sam squares off with Bonnie. Unfortunately, when she touches Sam with the tip of her finger flame thing, she’s unable to find much of anything inside of him. She says that he’s held together by tape and safety pins. Again… What have you been doing in there, Ezekiel? Nothing?

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While Bonnie is distracted with Sam, Jody stabs her through with the oak stake and kills the goddess. I love Jody, but this episode she was so badass. Dean breaks through and looks around, asking what he missed. Just more of Ezekiel not being useful. I don’t know. Is that important to you, Dean? They say goodbye to Jody.

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Now is that special time of the night where Sam wonders if there’s something wrong with him, something really wrong. He can’t just keep shaking off these little comments here and there about his healing skills and then of course, that he’s being held together with glue. Dean tries to lie some more, trying to convince Sam that he’s just tired. But this time Sam seems more reluctant to believe it. Dean says that he’ll be alright and if it’s something else that they will figure it out together. Defeated, Sam suggests that maybe it’s just the way he is. This prompts Dean to want to tell the truth now more than ever. Ezekiel comes out (Oh, hey) and cautions need not to, and that he won’t have to wait much longer. Sam comes back and Dean quickly covers up with a lie. He tells Sam to have faith. The younger Winchester grabs his bag and heads down, while Dean stays behind, eyes shut and feeling hurt that he wasn’t able to tell Sam the truth, and that he would have to keep hiding it.

Next week looks pretty good! We’re finally going to return to the angel plot. All three boys in suits. It seems as though Castiel decided to go hunter and help out the angels, and I am glad. Ecstatic for Tuesday!

Supernatural Recap 907 – Bad Boys

Video recap here:

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This is probably one of the best Dean themed episodes that I can recall at the moment, so don’t expect anything snarky from me, but then again – this is me. Alright, so we start off with two boys running into the night. They’re hiding from someone and that someone turns out to be a small boy named Timmy. These three boys were playing hide and go seek and Timmy is apparently the seeker and he comes across the barn, which is supposed to be a no-hide zone, but this must be the last and final place to check. Timmy hears Jack calling for them, trying to scrounge them up with his restrained Irish accent. Why am I summarizing this like we know who he is at this point? Jack is a guy who is simply calling for the boys, because it’s time to go inside the house. Then we see some classic ghost indicators. The room suddenly becomes cold. Breath is visible in the air. I don’t know – a broken down tractor comes to life and violently impales Jack to the wall? You know, typical spirit-like forces.

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Then we have Sam walking around the bunker, calling out for Kevin (but as we’ve learned this season, Kevin cannot be in two episodes in a row. That’s absurd. That would be like receiving a present, a gift that we don’t deserve, at least not yet.) When the coast is clear, Sam pulls himself a book from the shelf and it’s an Oz book. I found that to be really cool actually. You enjoy that book in private, Sam! Why are you ashamed to read it in front of Kevin or Dean? I mean, you do deserve to look at books that are non-related to hunting. Dean’s phone rings and Sam answers. The person on the other line is asking for ‘D-Dawg’. I’m just going to assume that’s how the guy meant it. Anyways, Sam says that there is no D-Dawg here, sorry broseph. But then Dean comes up and grabs the phone, responding with, ‘Hello Sonny!’.

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After receiving news of some troubling issues by Sonny (Blake Gibbons), Dean immediately takes the case. This entire situation is spinning Sam into a world of IDKWTF is going on. Frankly, we were all there with you, Sam. We were hanging on in amusement, because well, we discover that Dean’s been lying to Sam for quite some time now. He brings up that time in New York, where their father was on a Rugaru case and Sam and Dean had to stay at a hotel. Dean lost their food money during a card game and tried to use the five-finger discount in order to feed his brother. He gets caught and instead of going to jail, Dean is sent to a boy’s home ran by Sonny. At that time Sam was handed off to Bobby during those two months and was told that Dean was lost on a hunt. The lie was in fact John Winchester’s idea. As we know, John is a great guy and loving father.

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Dean asks if ‘everyone’ is okay with heading out and I’m wondering just how obvious he has to be in order for Sam to suspect him. It is absurd with the amount of unintentional hints Dean has dropped just because he can. I swear to bananas, this is ridiculous. I understand that the writers want to keep touching up on Ezekiel being inside Sam, but they’re making Dean look like an idiot in the process. I mean, uhm. You’re so sly and clever, Dean. Good job.

Sam asks a question that most Supernatural fans are wondering. Why lie, Dean? This sort of solidifies the fact that Sam is not going to like the big truth when it comes out. I foresee Sam telling Dean that he would have been able to handle it. Too bad Ezekiel was all sorts of convincing back then.

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Arriving at Sonny’s Home for Boys, Dean and Sam have a moment before they reach the door. Basically Sam is asking more questions, still trying to understand the truth he’s been handed. That Dean spent two months at this home and is wondering how their father never found him, when the elder Winchester clarifies that their father did find him and pretty quick, but decided to leave him there to learn his lesson for getting caught stealing. Sam starts getting defensive, upset that Dean was only sixteen when he was abandoned for one mistake. However, Dean takes responsibility for it and tells Sam that it wasn’t their father’s fault.

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Ruth answers the door and she appears to be the maid, since she’s always cleaning, and takes care of the house and the boys. Looking at Dean and Sam she asks if they’re Sonny’s prison buddies. Uhm, no, but they’re not angels either. She heads off to tell Sonny that he has visitors that are over the age of eighteen. This is where we encounter Dean’s first flashback of his stay there. Teenage Dean is played by Degrassi’s Dylan Everett.

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Dean is hauled into Sonny’s home by the deputy. We see that he’s handcuffed and brooding as the Winchester always appears to be doing whenever he’s heated. Sonny is asking about family when the deputy informs him that John is too busy ‘fishing’ and that Dean can rot in jail for all he gives a flippin’ flop, until he’s ready to come collect his son. The deputy removes his sunglasses, because he’s not a total douche and we see a really nice shiner. Dean gives a laugh and it becomes clear to us that the Winchester was the cause of said shiner. This results in the deputy leaving with the key to the cuffs. However Sonny gives Dean his first lesson in how to pick cuffs with a paperclip. This has been mentioned in previous Supernatural episodes and it’s neat to see that this is where the experience came from.

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We’re pulled from the flashback when Sonny enters the room and greets Dean with an embrace. Sam asks if they can speak privately and Ruth is asked to leave the room. Sonny gives a rundown of all the supernatural activity occurring on the farm. It’s time for Sam and Dean to split up, as they always do. In this case, I suppose it makes sense. Sam heads into the bunkroom and sees symbols carved into one of the bunks. Curiously, he starts ripping off the nametag tape until he finds Dean W. Sam is uncovering a piece of Dean’s past that he didn’t know about and it’s something like a treasure for him. I enjoyed the light piano music that accompanied this scene.

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Hearing a strange noise coming from the adjoined room, Sam takes out his knife to confront it, but finds Ruth there – praying with a set of rosary beads in her hands. She claims to know why the Winchesters are really visiting and that’s why she was praying. She wants to protect everyone from the ghost that’s haunting them. This leads into a story about a guy named Howard and his wife Doreen. They were the previous owners of the farm and apparently Jack was the farm hands at that time. Then one night while Howard was drinking, he suddenly suspected that Doreen and Jack were fooling around and tried to kill them both. Only Jack was able to get away. Howard swore revenge on Jack and was sent to jail for the remainder of his life which coincidentally happened recently. Thank god Howard was buried in town.

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Dean takes the barn, waving about his EMF, and follows the sounds of creepy children laughter, when he stumbles upon Timmy. The Winchester is basically a pro at interrogating kids at this point. The boy claims that he was fighting all sorts of monsters with his action figure, Bruce the Monster Smasher. Dean is skeptical about a superhero with a cape. Bruce could choke himself for god’s sake. Dean puts his hand out to introduce himself and Timmy shakes his three fingers. The Winchester decides to give Timmy a lesson on how to be a man, which is to look the person the eye and give a real firm ‘kung fu’ handshake.

Timmy asks to leave to finish his chores before Ruth gets mad. Dean notes that she appears to be strict. This piece of information becomes relevant soon. Anyways, Sam and Dean head out to the cemetery to salt & burn Howard’s body. Then we see a shot of the Impala and we can assume the episode is over. Next week on Supernatural…joking.

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Ruth enjoys taking baths to Ave Maria. Pretty epic for bathing. We see her rosary beads dangling. She covers her eyes with a rag and tries to relax, completely oblivious to the lights flickering, her breathing visible, and the shower curtain being pulled down hook by hook. Then you know, she’s suffocates to death. Sonny tried to break down the door upon hearing her screaming, even though all the doors in the home are without locks. Unfortunately, he was unable to do anything.

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Dean takes Sam to Cus’s place, a local diner and fond memory for him. Those banana pancakes, man! The Winchester’s eyes are following a waitress and we can assume that she’s the reason he’s there. This brings Dean into another flashback of him and Sonny sitting across from each other. This is where he’s offered to stay at the home, since John hasn’t returned and it’s been a month since his ‘fishing’ trip. We learn that Dean is doing well in school, making friends, and that he even made the wrestling team. Sonny says that he’s proud of him and this is the normal life that the Winchester deserved.

Sonny tries to figure Dean out and asks about the salt at the door, the symbols carved into his bedpost. He evades the questions and refuses to answer straight, which I don’t blame him for, although eventually Sonny does come to find out what Dean does and what the family business is all about. Then we get a bit of back story on Sonny, that he was in a gang, and that he was loyal to a family who didn’t care about him. He would have died for them and for what? He was sent to jail for fifteen years because of them. He says that he should have been loyal to himself.

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Then we see a young waitress named Robin come up to take their order and Sonny introduces her to Dean. Then we’re brought to the present with Robin, the same girl – and Dean starts off with, Bet you never thought you’d see me here, huh? She comes off as clueless as to who he is, even after he drops his name, she pretends like she hardly remembers. He continues with recalling how she and her mother would go to the boy’s home and give guitar lessons. Even though Robin’s mother has passed away, she still continues to give those lessons. After Robin is called away for a moment, Dean decides to leave immediately.

Dodging questions from Sam, Dean answers his phone to receive the news that Ruth is dead. The boys head back to Sonny’s and they learn that 1) The farm doesn’t have locks, as to why Sonny couldn’t save Ruth and 2) Ruth’s rosary beads are missing. Sam and Dean split up again, Dean to question the kids, and Sam to check out employee records.

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Dean finds Timmy being bullied by literally the only two kids we’ve seen. The Winchester breaks it up and comes to Timmy’s rescue. Upon finding out that the kids weren’t involved, they leave to continue with their yard work. It’s really weird how they’re not affected by Ruth’s death. It could honestly be any other day for the two boys. Anyways, Dean gives Timmy another lesson. It’s that bullies are just cowards and if you stick up to them just once, that they’ll leave you alone.

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Sam sees a wall with various certificates, ribbons, and medals. Sonny calls it their Hall of Fame. A wall dedicated to all the accomplishments boys have made while staying there. Even Dean has one as wrestling champion. This is another treasure for Sam and he’s beginning to realize that Dean had a good life there.

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Of course today would be the day Robin gives those guitar lessons. She rides up and heads on inside, leaving us with the two boys doing their chores. They hear a strange noise coming from the lawnmower, so they turn it, and find Ruth’s rosary beads jammed in the blades. Timmy is watching on from the window, when a decayed hand touches his shoulder. And what happens next is what happens when you put your hand close to a blade in Supernatural. The mower comes to life and the boy gets cut.

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Dean walks in and finds Sam sorting through files. He informs him that the boy is going to be alright. Sam catches onto the routine, that the boy was bullying Timmy before the accident. Ruth was strict. She had to go. The files confirm that Timmy was able to successfully evade the foster system. That anyone who messes with him suddenly pays for it. Sam says that it’s probably ghost possession and Dean isn’t thrilled to learn that they might have to handle Timmy their way.

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Sam and Dean split up time, except this time Sam takes the barn. At least he was able to find more than Dean was this time and discovers a hidden attic. Here we see Timmy’s scribbling on the wall about what happened to his mother. Meanwhile Dean finds Robin strumming her guitar and gets caught by it. This sends him into another flashback, which is certainly monumental for Dean Winchester.

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Dean claims to not enjoy what his father does and that it’s boring. This is the first time we’ve really see Dean confess to not liking the hunting life. I wish Sam could have known this later on, so that maybe he wasn’t alone on the matter. Robin and Dean are alike in the way that both their families expect them to continue on in their footsteps, Dean to be a hunter and Robin to run her father’s diner. Both of them ended up doing what they said they didn’t want to, and both enjoyed it later on. But before this, Dean wanted to be a rock star or a mechanic. Robin wanted to be a photographer and see the world. Honestly, it was a perfect pair.

And this is where Dean Winchester receives his first kiss.

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Coming out of the flashback, Dean tries to get Robin to leave due to all of these supernatural circumstances. He asks that she trust him to which she replies with, Trust you? And why would I do that again? She apparently does remember Dean. Then we’re brought to another flashback of them making out. She gently pushes him away and says that she hopes this lasts. And Dean promises that he’s not going anywhere. He says he can’t, because who else would take her to the school dance. Very sly and Dean-ish. Then they resume kissing and end flashback.

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Knowing full well what Robin is referring to, he says he had reasons that he had to leave but he doesn’t have time to explain. He grabs her wrist and jerks her to her feet, pulling her towards the door. But the door slams shut by an invisible force. Timmy apologizes and they turn to see him standing there. He says that he can’t stop it. A dish shatters beside them and Dean rushes Robin into the kitchen to the backdoor, where Sam walks in and it slams behind him. Now they’re trapped with kitchen appliances flying around everywhere.

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Grabbing the salt, Dean has Sam make a protective circle around Robin. Timmy stands there, saying that he can’t control ‘her’. Sam knows that he’s speaking about his mother, which leads the boy to explain what happened. They were in a car crash and his mother was able to get him out the window just before the car exploded with her inside. He ran to an abandoned building to find shelter and cried for her until she stood before him. She came back as a spirit and materialized in front him.

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Dean suspects that the action figure is the anchor keeping the mother here. She appears and attacks Sam, before Dean slashes her with iron. The distraction gives him enough time to grab Bruce and burn him on the stove. Turns out that Dean was wrong and just destroyed the only thing the boy had left of his mother for no reason. Sam brings Timmy to stand in the circle with Robin. He realizes that it wasn’t the action figure, but Timmy himself that the mother is latched onto and that maybe they’ll have to kill him? WHAT?

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Robin runs, completely abandons the boy upon hearing this crazy talk. Dean catches her when the mother appears and knocks him hard into a surface, where she slowly starts killing him, until she hears Sam speaking with Timmy. She comes up behind him and sends him flying into the wall. Dean comes running in, but ends up joining Sam – dying and in excruciating pain. He tries to get through to Timmy, to make his mother stop and go away. She’s not your mom, she’s a ghost.

Dean: Listen to me. Sometimes you gotta do what’s best for you, even if it’s gonna hurt the ones you love.

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Timmy tries and is successful upon applying the kung fu strength Dean taught him to use. The decay on the mother’s face begins to crumble away. She sort of looks like an older version of Jo! It was pretty cool overall. She turns into dust and we can assume she’s in heaven, despite her killing people? Timmy runs into Dean’s arm and case closed.

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However there is still a mess that Dean has to straighten up with Robin. After everything, she understands that this is the family business he was talking about all those years ago. There’s some mild flirting that Dean seems almost too modest to receive. She gives him a kiss on the cheek and he allows her to walk away. I wasn’t too thrilled with this part, mainly because it was so unlike Dean. He wanted to see her. He was smacked in the face with the memories throughout the episode, but he doesn’t kiss her? Dean three seasons ago would have been all over that. Perhaps he’s still damaged over what happened with Lisa. Maybe his heart is with her? But why make a big deal over seeing Robin if you weren’t going to at least make a move?

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Sam, Dean, and Sonny say goodbye. Honestly, I would love it if Sonny was a reoccurring character. I mean, he has the home and his responsibilities, but I liked him. If he were a hunter, that would be pretty sweet. Anyways, Sam admits that at first he thought this had been the worst part of Dean’s life, but it was actually the best. He asks Dean why he left. To this, the Winchester sort of plays it off like it wasn’t something he really wanted. He says that he couldn’t wait to leave. It didn’t feel right. Two months didn’t leave an impression on him.

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Sam gets in the car and leaves Dean to stare out at the home and this brings us to our final flashback. It’s the night of the dance and he’s getting ready. Then Sonny comes in to inform him that John is waiting for him outside. Despite Sonny telling John that tonight was an important night, he didn’t care. John honks the horn impatiently and Sonny says that if Dean wants to stay that he will stick his neck out for him and fight for him. However one look at Sammy out the window playing with a jet, and Dean knows exactly where he belongs. To protecting Sam, being there for him, looking out for him – that’s his life.

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Dean gets in the car and Sam thanks him. For once, the younger Winchester was able to catch on to the obvious lie. That leaving must’ve been hard and that it was probably because of him, which it was, but Dean is going to spare Sam the guilt by telling him otherwise. They drive off and episode closes.

Next week looks pretty humorous. Possible dragons and the boys get back their v-cards? Wonderful. See ya next Tuesday!

Supernatural Recap 9.06 – Heaven Can’t Wait

Video recap:

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Rexford, Idaho – A man named Joe decides that he’s had enough and wants to end his life, sorta. He’s not quite sure. He did call the suicide hotline, so I guess that’s some form of indication that he hasn’t given up completely. He grabs the gun from his drawer and is about to pull the trigger when he glances at a photograph of his family (perhaps of him and his mother), and decides to stay on earth for a little while longer. Congratulations, sir. If you knew how fuckled Heaven was at the moment, you definitely wouldn’t want to be there. Sadly, he’s about to learn that staying on earth is perhaps scarier than death itself.

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An angel who goes by the name Ephraim is uh, totally down for granting people their death wishes, no matter how short-lived that feeling is, he will get you settled in. Joe is confused, thinks that the hotline sent this guy, when he’s told that he sent for him. That entire line is just – bear with me here. Ephraim raises his fingers to Joe’s head and it’s something an angel would do to heal someone or make them pass out, but then we see pink light and splatter everywhere. Now before you go, oh – pretty colors! This is possibly every bit of DNA imaginable like; hair, skin, nails, bones, organs, blood ect…

Sure Ephraim looks like a Backstreet Boys / N*Sync reject with his gelled blond hair and ear piercing, but he’s goddamn terrifying. Would you want to be pretty dead in pink? Like, probably not.

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Finally here we see Castiel manning an entire store by himself and going by the name Steve. If there is one thing an angel should be good at by now, it’s following orders, and going by routine. Then we get a glimpse of what Castiel does in his free time, which is observing humans, and normal human behavior. He’s awkward and he has to 1) Learn how to blend in and 2) Learn how to be less awkward, though – Please don’t ever grasp how to be less awkward. It’s one of the many reasons why we love you, so don’t go turning human too fast on us now.

The guys in the back are drinking coffee, so is Castiel. The guy licks his mixing stick, so does Castiel. The guy scores the stick into the trash, so does Castiel. He’s trying so hard to be personable and it’s adorable to watch. Bill walks in with a bundle of news papers and Castiel puts his hand up for a high-five but doesn’t get one, instead he’s left standing there awkwardly with his hand raised. Then Nora walks in, a single mother, and boss/manager/the fuck she is? Castiel starts untying the newspapers. You get the idea that it’s all just a cycle – Castiel’s routine.

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Anyways, Nora is being really kind to Castiel. Where have you been all my life Steve? Taking care of business up in Heaven, Nora – by the way, your grandparents are lovely people. Then she goes ahead and insists that there’s something different about him and calls him special. We see here that he’s trying to conceal the fact that he was once angel, well derp, but what human would draw those conclusions? I love that he takes everything as literal. I love it more than Lilith loves birthday cake. Back to the stack of newspapers, Castiel sees the front page article of the guy who was vaporized at the beginning of the episode. Apparently this is the fourth unexplained case.

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Kevin presents the doodles he’s been drawing inspired by the simplistic rock motif that is the Heaven tablet. Honestly, I’d buy the hell out of that and tape it to my wall. Who needs posters when you have scribbles from a prophet? So, Kevin translated the tablet into cuneiform and then to Elamite cuneiform? Is that what we’re going with? Yes? Good? On we go. Kevin was unable to translate the doodles into English and aside from that, the doodle language is extinct. It’s a good thing there’s twenty-four volumes on extinct languages, right Dean? In Metatron’s footnotes, Kevin was able to make out the words, ‘Falling Angels’. It’s safe for Sam to assume that the footnotes refer to Metatron’s spell.

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Sam grabs three books on extinct languages and plops one down in front of Dean. Since the elder Winchester only reads books with pretty pictures, this is something like torture for him. But it’s all good, because he immediately receives a call from Castiel on the unexplained disappearances in Idaho/his local area, and Dean decides to go work the case – alone. While this conversation is occurring, Castiel is being handled by a slushy machine and loses.

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Dean makes for the exit with Sam and Kevin trailing behind him, Sam being the one with the most inquiries about Castiel. So, he said nothing about where he is or what he’s been doing? And you’re not even going to see him when you’re in Idaho? I don’t like how Dean is evading these questions, especially when we all know the answers. Dean will find Castiel. He will see Castiel. It’s a top priority, but why he needs to leave Sam in the dark about this, whether it’s for Zeke or whatever other reason, is actually horrible. Dean is turning into one shady bastard this season.

Dean: I’m just gonna go have a little look-see and we’re not gonna waste a whole lotta manpower on a big pile of nada.
Kevin: In other words, a perfect excuse to bail on our research.
Dean: *heavy sarcasm, douchey nods of confirmation* You got me.

The above was kind of the douchiest I’ve seen Dean in awhile or maybe even ever? It was the look on his face and how flippant he was in response to Kevin. This is Kevin. He’s your family, remember? You just turned your back on your brother and Kevin Solo. Is this because we’ve loved you for so many seasons, Dean? If I wanted to see this kind of shit happen, I’d just watch the Good Son and get it out of my system. Unfortunately, I love you too much to hate you. The deeper this secret goes, the darker he is, and the douchier he’ll become it seems like. Well, to hell with that.

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Nora comes out with a bag of Castiel’s essentials and asks him if he knows who it belongs to, having found it in the supply closet. He tells her that it’s his and he also fesses up to being the owner of the rolled up sleeping bag that she found in the tool locker. Then he continues to fabricate this story about having stayed late last week to do thorough inventory. He also says has a bed and a home, which he clearly does not, not with that tremor in his voice. Dean must’ve taught him how to lie, because he sucks at it, too. This is where I released a very shaky, sad breath upon the realization that he is indeed homeless.

I also said that I would apologize in a previous post should it turn out that Dean released Castiel into the wild without any help. I’m very sorry. I mocked the pain of those who thought Dean would seriously go there. I said no way. I had every faith in Dean. I scoffed at the negative remarks down at the bar and found myself in brawls. In fact, I remember saying something like, “If anyone else wants to doubt Dean Winchester, then step on up to claim your complimentary ass whooping.”

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So, Nora buys all of Castiel’s bullshit, because he’s an amazing Sales Associate, and asks if he’s free tomorrow, despite knowing for sure that he is, what with being in charge of his schedule? She’s talking dating, being a single mom, keeps telling him he’s special, and that he’s great, and BOY, she is just cashing in on every mixed signal she owns. He accepts and has this really goofy smile on his face. He must be happy with himself. You can’t be happy in Supernatural.

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Dean arrives on scene and finds out from the sheriff that these aren’t just disappearances, but they’re also deaths as per confirmation this morning. The victims were all depressed and hurt right in the feels – This is the pattern. Dean calls Sam and even though they’re miles apart, they’re still having tea and coffee together. Go back to drinking alcohol, Dean. Since Kevin and Sam hit a dead end with the text, Dean recommends putting Crowley to good use. My response is a giant fucking yes. Sam likes the sound of the case in Idaho and wants to go join his brother, however that would mean Ezekiel meeting up with Castiel, since Dean is stalking the sales nerd as they speak. The answer is still no, Sam.

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Then we see this girl walking outside of school, talking on the phone with her friend about being broken up with in front of everyone. As you can imagine, this is mortifying for a teenage girl. Her life is ending! World, swallow her whole now. Believe me, honey. You don’t want some cryptic bullshit message via social network. They’re twice as shitty and also cowardly. Ephraim comes to her aid and you know, vaporizes her too.

BACKSTREETS BACK, ALRIGHT!  *insert flourish*

Oh, my god he’s back again.
Brothers, Sisters, everybody sad.
Gonna ease ya pain, show ya now.  

Excuse me.

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A woman buys herself a lottery ticket and Castiel with as much gathered enthusiasm as possible, puts his thumb up and wishes her good luck. She moves out of the way and Dean is next in line. And uhm, Castiel isn’t thrilled to see him, and I don’t blame him much. This is where we get an idea of how Castiel’s been feeling about the fall. He had nothing, but now he’s a sales associate, and he’s proud of himself. Dean isn’t too much of an ass, but kind of plays with Cas – humors him if you will.

Dean: So you went from fighting heavenly battles to nuking taquitos?
Castiel: Nachos, too.

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Crowley has been asking Sam for better reading material, but instead he’s handed Elamite. And apparently Crowley does know how to read it, but why the hell would he want to help them? Then Sam brings up the night where he saw what humanity did to Crowley. I’m not sure how this would work out in Sam’s favor. You’re bringing up a bad moment for him and you’re not going to play on Crowley’s sympathies by bringing it up. Not while he’s doing everything in his power to remain his old demon-y self. Sam turns and tells Crowley that the only reason he’s alive right now is because Dean thought he would be useful, but he hasn’t been so far, so let’s bullshit a plan B scenario. Hand Crowley over to Abaddon.

The King of Hell doesn’t seem too fazed by this, until Sam says that she’s scarier than he’s been in years. Oh, hell no. Crowley motions for Sam to give him back the paper with the Elamite on it, to which the Winchester complies, but the papers gets crumbled up and thrown in his face. Crowley crosses his arms defiantly and Sam leaves without a word. I enjoy the tension between these two, but it’s so fucking weird. I’m not sure what to think of it. I just hope Sam never keeps me prisoner, because that is one cold son of a bitch.

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Dean is following Castiel around while he continues his workday. He thinks Cas is better than just a sales associate, but the ex-angel doesn’t share the same perspective. He feels that there’s human dignity in what he’s doing. Then Nora walks out with a mop. Apparently a customer had an accident in the bathroom, so yeah, have fun with that Cas. She adds in, seven at her place is when and where Castiel should meet her for their date. This is what humans do, right? Date? Wrong. That’s what humans used to do. Now it’s something else entirely. Spare yourself the bullshit, Cas.

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Dean gets a call that there’s been another kill and asks that Castiel go with him, but he feels powerless. This is where Dean says a great line, So? I’ve never had powers.  This is true and this is something that I appreciate about the Winchesters, Dean especially. He’s only human. Dean tells Castiel that he is still a hunter in training. And Castiel doesn’t deny this, although he does bring up Dean’s past criticism and decides to go with Dean anyway.

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When they arrive on scene, Castiel recognizes the splatter immediately. He knows who did this (not specifically) and how – Well, so much for being useless. He basically doubles over and hugs the Impala. Dean sees this and heads on over to him. Castiel fills him on his knowledge. Hands of Mercy were a special class of Angel that worked on the battlefields in Heaven. This was the heavenly version of a medic that would tend to wounded angels. For those who were past saving, the HoM would vaporize them quickly and painlessly as we’ve been seeing. Ephraim is responding to human suffering and is continuing his heavenly work on earth.

Castiel declines helping Dean and they both decide its best he just stay safe, and go on his date. I’m wondering how the warrior side of Castiel just gave up. I really wish he would go back to his old self. He would never pass up helping Dean. He would follow the Winchesters to his death and now suddenly he feels like his life is too precious to risk. Alright. Maybe that’s not it either, but he’s not getting involved and that bothers me. Despite not having power, Castiel was still able to fight. He’s just as capable as Dean or Sam.

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Sam comes back in to speak with Crowley and the demon agrees to translate the Elamite if Sam allows him a phone call with Abaddon. Kevin tries to rationalize this for Sam, tells him it’s probably not a good idea, but loses against the logic that Crowley hates Abaddon and is probably not following up on that regime change. They’re not going to be completely dumb about this, they need to confirm that Crowley actually knows how to read Elamite, so they show him a few doodles and he’s able to tell them that they’re ingredients for a spell, specifically 1) The heart of a Nephilim 2) Cupid’s Bow and 3) Grace of an Angel

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Dean and Castiel roll up in front of Nora’s house. This is the perfect moment for Dean to give Castiel dating advice that he’s never used himself. He convinces Castiel to lose his work vest and watches as his buddy walks up to the house. Castiel then cuts himself a rose once he realizes thorns are frickin’ sharp and hides it behind his back all romantically. Not sure where he learned this, but if I were Nora, I would have wifed that. Anyways, Castiel shoos away Dean and rings the doorbell. Dean tries to drive off, but there’s a really rude Ford backing up way too close the Impala. Finally the truck moves and Dean is able to drive off.

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Nora opens the door and Castiel walks on in and we notice here that she’s going about the house in a rush. She’s saying how she thought she was going to be late for her date and gives Castiel a rundown on her baby and whatever the fuck else for us to get the picture… I no longer gave a shit after that. Really? I felt horrible for Castiel. He was so set for this. He received Dean’s advice. He took off his work vest. I’m not even being sarcastic. This broke my heart. As soon as Nora leaves and the door closes, the baby starts crying.

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So, Sam and Kevin agreed to allow Crowley to make his call. If you can remember how this is done, there needs to be blood in a cup or a bowl. Fancy, special cups and bowls, alright? Crowley doesn’t want Sam to use his blood. He wants Kevin’s blood, which strikes me as odd, but okay. Let’s get on with it. For the sake of translation, Kevin gives his blood via giant syringe half emptied into the bowl. Crowley says the incantation and makes his call. Who knew that the service would be Hell! Ba dam tss!

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Back to Castiel, he tries to console the baby by holding her and singing Joey Scarbury’s Believe It Or Not. The vibrations from his singing finally calm her down, until he stops, then you can guess what happens next. She cries even more. Thanks again, Nora.

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Dean gets a call from the sheriff who confirms that the DNA that came back from the married couple was only able to identify the wife, and not the husband. This intrigues Dean as he realizes that the husband is still out there. He drives to the local police station.

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Castiel starts relating to the baby. Nobody told you, no body explained. You were just shoved out kicking and screaming into this human life without any idea why any of it feels the way it feels. Or why this confusion feels like it’s a hair’s breadth from terror or pain. This is just another sampling of how Castiel is feeling. He’s reflecting on being new to this human thing and living as one. As much as he thought he understood, he clearly doesn’t. It was easier for him to be an angel, since that’s all he’s known, even if he thinks he was bad at it, which he wasn’t. It was definitely simpler. A touch of his hand and he could heal someone, fix things, or smite evil. Anyways, Castiel puts two fingers to the baby’s head and feels that she’s warm, feverishly warm and this starts to concern him, since this is his first go at babysitting.

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Down at the police station, Dean and the sheriff start discussing the husband. Apparently he was a fan of Buddy Boyle. It was probably a requirement in order to be part of a boy band. You must be Christian or else you’re forced to go solo. And as it turns out, Ephraim is using the husband as his vessel. We can all understand why, since he was left wide open to angel possession and we can all thank Buddy for that. In the photo of the husband and wife they’re standing in front of a very familiar Ford. Dean recognizes it as the truck that was blocking him in outside of Nora’s house and heads back to go save Cas.

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Castiel calls Nora, he’s extremely worried about Tanya’s fever and is opting to take her to the hospital if she doesn’t call him soon. In the meantime, perhaps a nice walk would help? (To the hospital? Just for some cool air?) Castiel opens the door and sees Lance Bass. I mean, Ephraim standing there. He’s flattered that Castiel remembers his name and goes on about how Cas used to be a legend. That’s right. Remember that, Cas? Ephraim reveals that his intentions are to wipe the world clean of its agony. But then there would be no one left? Castiel thinks he’s there for the baby, when nope he’s actually there for you.

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Kevin and Sam are about to hang up Crowley’s call when Abaddon connects. To spare us the back and forth between Cas and Crowley, let me just sum it up for you. Abaddon went ahead with her idea to screw people over on their contracts and take them before their time. Let me quote myself from my recap of episode two. I like the sales department in Hell and it’s necessary. Abaddon questions why bother paying, granting humans wishes in exchange for their souls, why not just take them? Is she crazy? There needs to be order to these things. Crowley sort of just confirms what I already knew to be true. He tells Abaddon, you think can control Hell on chaos alone? His way works and has been working. There’s a reason why he’s the King of Hell and she underestimates this concept. He tells her that her way will backfire and that she will burn for it. And his tone is kind of low and solemn. The call ends and he scoots the bowl in front of him and asks for the translations. He keeps his agreements. I feel upset for him. I want to see him rise to the top again.

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Reading the translations, Crowley claims that the spell is irreversible and that angels stuck on earth is the new world order. I’m going to call bullshit. I think he’s going to hold onto the true information as leverage. He wants to live, right? Crowley is literally sitting there waiting for the day the Winchesters decide to ice his ass. So, if he is indeed keeping something from them, I don’t blame him. I can’t blame him, rather.

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Castiel may have been warded, but Ephraim was able to find him by following his pain. You should try singing to him, Ephraim. Am I original? No. Am I sexual? No. Sorry, sorry. We see Castiel drag his hand down the stem of the rose, effectively slicing his hand, and starts backing away. Ephraim continues to be a creep with his, I could hear you from miles and presaging footsteps. Castiel smears his blood against the glass door behind him, trying to pull a Dean and get that banishing sigil up. However, he gets caught and is forced to his knees when Ephraim bends his wrist back. We hear all sorts of cracks and breaks, but this is Supernatural, so logic doesn’t actually apply. He’ll be okay.

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And he wants to live. Castiel tells him this and Ephraim poses a good question. Do you want live as an angel or a man? Here is the question of the season. Then Dean bursts through the door just in time to get knocked out into a pile of baby toys. How does it feel Dean? Ya like that? Apparently Ephraim was able to see inside Castiel, that he chose a human life, which means he gave up on himself, and must’ve chose death. He goes to vaporize Castiel when Dean slides over the angel blade, which he grabs, and stabs Ephraim thus killing pop.

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Sam and Dean are back on the phone, where Sam is giving Dean the bad news about Metatron’s spell not being reversible. The question is will Dean tell Cas? Mm…absolutely not! It’s more fun to continue lying and sparing our loved ones of the hard truth.

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Nora and Castiel are saying good night to each other. I’m glad to know she didn’t actually go on a legit date. She didn’t deserve one. As Castiel is walking away without apologies, Nora tells him that the part of him that overreacted and cares so much is what makes him special. I guess he needed to hear this, but he doesn’t seem to give a flip about her words, and wordlessly leaves. After the bullshit he’s been through tonight, which was mostly all her fault. I can understand how he’s feeling. I’m meaner towards her in the video recap and I still stand firm on my opinion. She seriously sucked and if in the future she show interest, the answer has got to be no.

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Sam is washing the bowl of Kevin’s blood and is putting things away, when he notices that a syringe is missing. Well, what the fuck? He rushes back to the dungeon where Crowley is and watches as the demon starts injecting himself with the rest of Kevin’s prophet blood? And I don’t know why this is. Maybe Crowley wants to keep purifying himself? I honestly have no fucking idea what this is, but by god, Sam – You better get to the bottom of it, because this is fucking weird. I don’t even want to assume to know what the hell he’s doing. Crowley must’ve staged the call in order to get his hands on Kevin’s blood and that alone… is…just… what?

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Then Dean and Castiel pull up outside the store and Cas is all ready for work and Dean apologizes to Cas about telling him to leave the bunker. You didn’t say that shit before? Oh, my god. This would be a good time to tell Castiel why. No? Nope. But sure, tell Castiel how proud you are of him for adapting and being on his own. Fuck you, Dean. Look at him. He’s not doing well, especially after last night. He looks wrecked and conflicted. Castiel expresses his desire to help the angels get back home. He should be helping them, not sitting this one out. Dean assures Cas that he and Sam will take care of the angels, because well – you’re human now, Castiel. It’s not your problem anymore. What happened to hunter in training, Dean? Castiel gets out and heads on into work where he continues his routine.

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He’s just kind of stuck between wanting to do something and not doing anything at all. Put yourself out there on the battlefield unarmed or keep hiding from danger. He can’t even pretend or forget that this reality isn’t happening. Cowardice isn’t Castiel and we need to see it. He shouldn’t be muffled by Dean or anyone else. He needs to be able to do what he feels and thinks is right as he has always done.

Next week we go back to old school scary Supernatural. Feeling the nostalgia? I know I am.

Supernatural Recap 9.05 – Dog Dean Afternoon

Video recap:

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Hello, ladies! This here is Max. He works as a taxidermist and loves dogs. If any of you are interested or are currently single, well – tough shit. He’s dead now. Some creepy Erwin-Dundee lookalike came in and bent Max’s body into a pretzel just so he could get his hands on some leftover animal organs. For some reason, Max’s dog, Colonel is left alone. I’m not even sure why this is, it just is, and alright? I don’t have enough willpower to figure it out for myself.

Game of Thrones is once again being advertised and it’s starting to really annoy me. You’re not going to pick up fans or get pats on the back for parading around the fact that someone else enjoys it. Wanna know what was cool about cracking Buffy, Star Trek, X-Files, Star Wars, or LOTR references? They’re in the past, they’re older than Supernatural, and they’re classics. Although Game of Thrones isn’t a competing show on the CW, it’s still a fierce show that’s happening now. The cool thing about Supernatural is that it doesn’t need to touch up on any of the newest trends to be good. It should not give a shit about what’s cool, what’s currently ‘in’ and they sure as hell shouldn’t try and appease anyone. In case you don’t know what I’m trying to say here, it’s FUCK pop-culture.

Please tell me I’m not the only one seeing this and or is bothered by it, because it’s happening more and more. What’s next? Will they start putting music to every scene with the latest hits? They’re killin’ me and I’m not even sure who to blame for this, but whoever is responsible – just stop. It’s not working and whoever told you it is – is a fucking liar. Do remember that only the audience speaks the truth, kittens. If you’re going to sneak in references, make sure that no one else notices how repetitive it is, and do it smart.

Another thing. I’m currently watching Supernatural with a friend who has never seen it before. This will be my third time watching the series through from start to wherever we currently are. And she’s afraid and excited and I remember feeling that way whenever I would watch Supernatural by myself. So, I would also like to be afraid again. I want those filler episodes that gave me chills and left me in suspense. Pretty please?

Let me just step away from this knotted mess that I refer to as my opinion and get back on track here.

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Sam is feeling great and he wants to start working cases, which is no surprise since episode uno of this season. There is work to be done and he wants to get on with it and it’s like he’s the only one feeling this way, because Dean is too insistent on Sam not doing much of anything until he’s recovered, also known as Zeke-less. But I appreciate the fact that Sam wants to be on the road, returning to what they do best. It’s uncomfortable to see Dean free of all inclinations to get back to hunting. But it is what it is and Sam comes first. At least we can empathize with that much. And this also means that Sam gets what he wants, so BAM. New case.

Dean is telling Sam that he needs to pace himself. I think you need to pace yourself, Dean. You’re being all sorts of obvious about the little arrangement between you and Ezekiel. Will you be prepared for the consequences once Sam finds out? I’m betting not.

Dean: (to Sam) I just want you back to your old self.

The irony of that statement was not lost on me.

All Dean bashing aside, I can understand how he’s feeling. Sam almost died, Castiel died, and Charlie died. Dean has to be on edge right about now. If he can take this Tuesday off to stay in with Sammy away from potential evils and dangers, then I don’t blame him much. But this is a show and we want to see something get done.

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So, Sam takes up interest in Max’s case and Dean has trouble finding any reason not to go. Every reason he has would require being honest and that’s not his modus operandi for this season. Outside the taxidermist’s shop, we see that someone has spray painted the words ‘Die Scum’ on the store windows. Sam takes out his phone and snaps a photo of it just in case it becomes relevant later. The boys stroll in with their rock aliases, Michaels and DeVille. The officer on scene shows Sam around, while Dean questions Max’s friend, Dave Stevens. Apparently Dave’s job is to pick up the animal entrails. This is how he found Max dead. Nothing of value was stolen, unless animal organs are now some form of unknown currency? Because they’re missing.

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The boys head to the hotel room they’re staying at, because Dean is uncomfortable with the way Max’s ‘trophies’ are staring at him. This is where Sam finds out that (hold your breath) not every squiggly line is a goddamn pagan symbol. This is a death threat in red on the shop of a taxidermist. It’s literally a museum for dead animals. Sam and Dean know Game of Thrones, but they’ve never heard of animal rights foundations like PETA or WWF? How about WTF? Have they ever heard of that one before? Sam discovers that the symbol belongs to a local animal rights group called SNART (Show No Animal Rough Treatment). The founders are also owners of a vegan café. Now that right there is golden, because it really doesn’t surprise anyone. If no one at home muttered the words, ‘Of course they are’, then you must’ve been watching with the volume on zero. I personally laughed and it was a good laugh. This was neat to throw in there. Anything that makes sense, I’m gonna have to applaud it from now on.

Sam: Are those bleeding hearts actually witches or just hippies?
Dean: What’s the difference?

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None! No difference. The Winchesters end up outside of the vegan café, Gentle Earth and here begins Dean with, ‘I always knew I’d find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery’. I loved this, because yeah. Dean loves his pie. Dean loves his sweets. A vegan diet excludes eggs and dairy products, so of course he would hate the idea of vegan anything. And the comment about patchouli left me gasping for air I was laughing so hard. We see here that there is a woman and a man working the café wearing sunglasses indoors. Then comes another line from Dean that nearly killed me, ‘You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people…and douche bags’.

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The two douches are the owners and animal rights activists, Olivia (Jessica Harmon) and Dylan Camrose. Jessica also played Lily from Season One, All Hell Breaks Loose: Part One. If you do or do not remember, Lily was the girl who was able to kill someone by simply touching them. Anyways, a flash of the badge and the drop of Max’s name and the couple share a table with Sam and Dean. This leads to some comical insight on how the activists view hunters and that they are selfish dicks who define themselves by what they kill. Sam and Dean share looks, because well, that could have described all hunters – of any kind.

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Anyways, SNART doesn’t tolerate violence and are ruled out at suspects. However, they do drop a clue to this case. Thank god. I would have hated for that entire scene to have been pointless, no matter how deliciously hateful Dean was being. The reason the couple are wearing sunglasses inside are not because they’re douche bags (debatable, but let’s not go there right now), but because they were ‘sprayed with mace’ last night while they were hitting up Max’s shop or ‘tagging the joint’ as Olivia so eloquently put it. I don’t know. That seems fair to me. You illegally spray paint a shop window and in return, you get sprayed too! (:D) When Olivia and Dylan lower their glasses it definitely doesn’t look like they were hit with mace. They also confess that before they were attacked they heard hissing sounds. Any guesses as to who the hell that could have been?

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Sam discovers that necrosis can be caused by blunt force, radiation, and snake venom. This is what the Camrose coupling were actually sprayed with. Dean refers to the monster as the Freaky Ass Mega Snake Monster (FAMSM). We see the Winchesters try and determine what it could be, if it’s not an actual snake. It could very well be a snake person or a snake god, except no – go call and bother poor Kevin with this shit.

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Down at the Enid Animal Shelter, we see this young guy up front playing games on his iPhone. Say, didn’t we see Sam with one of those earlier, except his was black? And in the second episode of this season, didn’t Dean use an iPhone for his voice recording to lure in the demon-seals? Come on. I quite enjoyed the old phones the boys were using and it made those less fortunate feel somewhat better about their struggles with poverty. You’re worse than a Korean drama trying to advertise a new soft drink or Masterchef with Walmart. Anyways, this kid mistakes the FAMSM guy for someone from a perfume company who was scheduled to come in a little later. The kid’s name is Brad by the way and Brad allows the Erwin-Dundee-FAMSM to head into the back after being slipped a hundred bucks.

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Well, this has bad written all over it. How the hell does this sit well with Brad? The sirens should have been blaring off in his head a hell of a lot sooner, because FAMSM had enough time to bag up a few cats and successfully eat one of them. Anyways, after Dundee-wannabe grows a new set of claws he kills Brad. And where there is an absurd murder, there is a Winchester. Dean recognizes Colonel at the shelter, but no – this cannot be a mere coincidence. Maybe the dog was behind this! Maybe it’s a skin walker. Dean silvers the dog and realizes once there is no result that Colonel was only a witness.

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We see the same officer from the beginning of the episode walk in with his hat on. This is driving Colonel all sorts of crazy until he takes it off, but when he puts it back on before he leaves, the dog starts acting up again. Dean may be ridiculous with his theories, even though that’s kind of part of their job, he’s also really sharp. He realizes that the hat plays a part in this and tests it out for a reaction and he’s right. Which, hey – FAMSM wears a similar hat, so that make perfect sense. Cue the standing ovation! Sam calls up Kevin to check if there are any available options they can use to speak with dogs.

Apparently the MoL had their own Eskimo (Inuit) section and Kevin was able to find a spell. Why was this relevant? What do Eskimos have to do with talking to dogs? Well, the Eskimos were animists. That was their religion. Their sleds were carried by dogs that were meticulously trained. This is some viable shit and I love it. Anyways, the spell will meld a human’s mind with an animal’s and they will be able to understand each other.

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Dean reaches across the table and decides to take the poison sort of speak. He doesn’t want to complicate things for Sam or Ezekiel. Maybe a part of him just doesn’t want Sam to do anything strenuous considering what’s keeping him alive. There are countless reasons why Dean is acting this way. He recites the incantation but nothing happens. Some time passes by and Dean has scarfed down his food. Better yet, Colonel is demanding that Dean changes the music station they’re listening to, even though it’s fantastic.

Colonel: You call this classic rock? Heh! Next thing you know they’ll be playing Styx. And Dennis DeYoung? A punk.
Dean: Dennis DeYoung is not a punk. He’s Mr. Roboto, bitch!

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Needless to say, the potion has worked. Colonel is able to confirm that a guy with a hat was the one who killed his BFFL, Max, and that he was also the same guy that stole the cats and killed Brad. Sam tosses his napkin into the trash and Dean picks it up several times and places it on the table. Colonel sits up upon hearing the mailman and starts barking. We see Dean do the same, yelling and knocking on the window all, ‘Hey. Hey you. YOU’. He’s scratching his head and portraying all sorts of dog-like traits. Sam realizes then that perhaps the spell worked a little too well.

Dean: Ruh-Roh!

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Sam finds out from Kevin that this is completely common, although it’s not clear how long the spell will last. That’s marvelous. Let’s hope never. I’d love to see Dean jump on Castiel next episode. The boys decide that the next logical step to figuring this case out is to head back to the shelter. This way Dean can get a statement from some of the other witnesses. As they’re walking to the Impala, a pigeon poops on the windshield. Dean looks up to see him perched on top of a streetlight.

Dean: Hey! Dick move, Pigeon.
Pigeon: Screw you, ass-hat.

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Yes. Dean can hear other animals. Colonel explains that it is a universal language. Then you know, Dean goes back and forth with the pigeon, the both of them calling each other douche bags (main word of this episode). This kind of escalates as Dean takes out his pistol and is about to gank the bird. Sam handles him and they get inside the car. We watch as the Impala rolls up with Sam driving and Dean and Colonel with their heads out the window for some air. Sam suggests Colonel stay in the car, but Dean doesn’t appreciate it, and neither does Colonel. It doesn’t matter if the windows are down, dogs actually hate this, and they deserve respect. It’s safe to assume that Dean truly believes he’s a dog, as he’s speaking on their behalf.

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Then we see a look from Dean that we haven’t seen in a very long time. This is why it had to be Dean and not Sam. He catches the eye of a freshly groomed and manicured white poodle complete with a pink leash and bow. Colonel and Dean both bond over their mutual attraction towards said poodle, before they’re knocked from their reveries and head on inside the shelter. I’m actually glad Dean doesn’t go full on Doolittle. That might’ve been a little tacky. Anyways, he’s about to give up for the day, when a Yorkie grabs his attention, claiming to have seen everything in a southern drawl. And he’ll tell Dean everything, except it has to be worth his while. He wants a belly rub…from Sam.

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This Yorkie reveals that 1) That douche-nugget FAMSM ate one of the kittens he stole. 2) The sack he used to keep the kittens in had the words Avant-Garde Cuisine printed on it. The Winchesters are about to leave, when Dean starts unlocking every cage, and releases the animals. The boys infiltrate the restaurant and find their way to Chef Leo’s office. As we can tell it’s the FAMSM, but Sam and Dean have yet to see his face, so they’re uncertain. This is the one time they don’t jump to conclusions.

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They start scoping the room and Dean hears these small voices, almost like children. Under the chef’s apron there’s a cage of mice claiming that the chef will eat them unless they’re freed. They tell Dean to look behind him and there’s a large fridge with tons of unique animal organs like owl brains (higher IQ), cheetah liver (speed), and grizzly heart (strength). Sam finds a spell book on shamanism. Whatever animal organ you ingest, you temporarily gain the power of that animal. FAMSM is mixing animals around to try out different results.

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The Winchesters head into the production room to find the sous-chef and a waiter who looks exactly like Castiel. What is with that? Is it his stunt double? In any case, the restaurant is supposed to be closed so that the chef can have a private dinner. On the platter is octopus and shark. Alright, then. Sam and Dean shut the place down and split up to cover more ground, as this is clearly ritual for them. Sam hears a noise and goes to investigate. Turns out that Leo consumed a chameleon at some point, since he’s blending in with the wall. Sam turns and gets caught right across the side of the neck with a pair of sharp claws. This would have been a fatal wound, but Ezekiel interferes and quickly heals Sam up, before passing out and letting Sam resume control. Upon seeing them sick healing powers, Leo gets a bit excited.

Chef Leo/FAMSM/Erwin-Dundee: Oh, Screw the sharktopus. You’re my main course.

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Leo punches Sam unconscious, because it’s season nine tradition at this point and brings him to the kitchen. He catches the scent of dog and turns to see Dean standing there with his gun raised directly at him. Leo is able to dodge the bullet with matrix-like reflexes. Did he eat the movie? Anyways, he’s fast, faster than Dean can adjust to, and this leads to the Winchester getting tied up like the dog he thinks is. This is where Leo tells Dean that he plans to eat Sam’s heart. Being a dog gives you all sorts of senses and abilities. Dogs can tell when someone has cancer due to their heightened sense of smell. Dean can smell this and Leo admits that he has stage four cancer, which is why he’s been doing some ‘combination’ therapy to stay alive.

Leo: If you eat enough predators, you start to become one. You are what you eat, right?

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Pretty certain that Leo can effectively kill Dean as is, what with him being tied up and all, but he opts to eat a wolf heart for some dog on sort of dog action. Dean breaks free of his binds and leads the Leo-wolf-ridiculous-teeth outside. Wolf may trump dog, but wolf doesn’t trump a whole pack of dogs. With a whistle, Colonel comes around the corner leading the army of dogs that were released earlier. Unable to climb the fence in time, Leo gets viciously devoured. It’s kinda perfect and ironic, considering he’s been eating animals.

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Dean goes back inside and crouches beside Sam. How many times is this going to happen? Dean on his knees with someone dead or unconscious, wearing that worried and desperate expression on his face. He’s calling for Zeke or Sam and threatens to lick his face when Sam comes to and gets helped up. They bring Colonel to the vegan café to meet his new owners. This doesn’t thrill him, but at least he’ll be a healthy dog. Vegan doggy cupcakes forever, Colonel. Dean says he’d like to take him with them, but it’s no life for a dog, which is cool, because Colonel gets carsick anyway and admits that he threw up in the Impala.

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As an honorary dog member, Colonel starts telling Dean that there’s something he should know. Dogs weren’t put on earth to be man’s best friend, but – then the spell wears off, because we don’t deserve to know, and Dean is back to being his human self.

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Dean walks out to find Sam looking a bit confused. This isn’t a good sign for Dean. Sam is supposed to be happy and oblivious, but now he looks troubled. He wants to know why Leo asked him what he was. He’s already passed the ‘what the hell am I?’ chapter in his life and frankly he doesn’t want to revisit that. Then Dean starts with the lies. That guy was out of his mind, Sammy. He was jacked up on juice, y’know? You can’t reason with crazy, right? Dean looks up at Sam, looks him square in the eye, and tells Sam to trust him.

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The episode ends with them driving off. But like, seriously Dean? You keep adding a layer to how wrong this shit is. I’m torn for him, but I’m hurt for Sam, too. It’s a real shitty situation.

Next week looks like a Castiel themed episode. Apparently he’s a store clerk and he’s pretty damn bad at it. We can all appreciate that, can’t we? Bring it on, Tuesday!

Supernatural Recap 9.04 – Slumber Party

Video recap:

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Alright, so we kick off the first filler episode of the season in the year 1935! Tonight we’re gonna party like – Nevermind. It just doesn’t fit the scenario or the time. Here we see two members of MoL (Men of Letters) Haggerty (Gildart Jackson) and Jenkins (Andrew Jenkins) stepping into the bunker for the first time since it was built, claiming that it only took two years to construct. Excuse me? Protocol is popping in two fuses that power up the entire place. Excuse me. Since I don’t exactly understand what the hell just occurred and this show demands that you ignore both reality and logic, I’m just gonna let this one slide.

Anyways, Jenkins is very enthusiastic about the bunker, whereas Haggerty is older and more experienced and sees the bunker for what it really is – a dump. Excuse me – We can just parallel Jenkins to Charlie. They’re both wanting and craving some form of adventure in their lives. Life can be provincial, conventional, and well, that’s boring. Everyone around them thinks of adventure as a burden, as a death sentence, and just bad all around.

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There’s nothing worse than adventure is a piece of friendly advice that Haggerty offers to Jenkins. This kind of sets the mood of the entire episode. The phone rings and it’s a foul-mouthed Dorothy (Kaniehtiio Horn). She hefts in her bagged prize, the Wicked Witch of the West (Maya Massar). Apparently Dorothy has exhausted all of her resources as a huntress and needs help from MoL. This is usually frowned upon where both parties are concerned, however there is no other way she can kill the witch as she’s proven to be indestructible. You can tell by the way Dorothy speaks that it’s implied that the Men of Letters are sexist, maybe even misogynistic. Who honestly knows, because we do not see an example of this behavior from either Haggerty or Jenkins.

There are a few mentions about Dorothy’s father, Frank. Both men know of him and that he did something important for Dorothy, however it remains a mystery until later. This gave us time to allow it to bake in our mind-ovens for a bit.

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Crowley is still chained to his spot in the dungeon when Sam opens the doors, walks in and places down a blank sheet of paper and a single black crayon. As anyone can guess, the Winchesters don’t just want a few names; they want ‘em all. Now, you can’t make Crowley do anything for free. He is, first and foremost, a salesman. He may be the King of Hell, but he’s also the king of deals. He wants to stretch his legs, get those chains off, but more than anything, I think he just wants to get his way in some form or another. He has no control and he needs that. Sam sort of just smirks at his request and then wordlessly leaves.

This next part makes sense IF you’re not looking to involve a character. However there could (should) have been a better way to incorporate Kevin Tran without having to use him so much, other than simply getting rid of him (or sending us spiraling into a world of what the fuck?) Apparently Dean just got back from dropping Kevin off at a lovely and highly warded hotel room, where he will be on a mini vacation for two days. It would have been more comical and believable to have Kevin passed out while all of these Oz events were happening due to some serious tablet crunching. They could have had him crawl out of bed in a sleepy zombie-like stupor with zero reaction to seeing the witch, the destroyed kitchen, or the Winchesters possessed. I could see him grabbing a glass of water and going back to bed.

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If that wasn’t enough for lackluster, there is a mentioning of Castiel, however we have no idea where he is. This could be for plot reasons. Perhaps they don’t want to reveal this until an episode where Castiel himself is involved. The thing is, the cliffhanger of episode three just about exploded everyone’s minds like dynamite. Our mind-ovens couldn’t work properly. Where the hell is Castiel? Sam says that he doesn’t understand why Castiel would leave the bunker and Dean cashes in another lie, making it seem like leaving was Castiel’s idea. Sam should know (excluding Ezekiel) that Dean wouldn’t have allowed Castiel to leave, even if it were for the right reasons. It would make the family speech Dean handed Kevin look like a gentle pat on the shoulder.

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Sam proposes an idea that can essentially help out Castiel. He wants to hotwire the board from when the angels fell and lit up their locations, so that they could get an idea of where the angels are currently populated. This could work as some sort of tracking method. Knowing this information would indeed be most beneficial to Castiel, so that he can know where to steer clear of. They follow these wires down into MoL territory and Sam shows Dean what it is that he found earlier; A computer from 1951. Computer buffs will tell you that the first computer was available for purchase sometime in the 1970’s, although the idea of the computer has been around since the 1800’s. Of course computers were used for other means before home computers were released unto the world, but this is just to give you an idea of how special these Men of Letters bastards were and the success of their operation. They were about as wealthy and capable as the government. And that’s terrifying.

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Trying to open up the back of the computer to see its source of power, Dean eventually pries it open with a screwdriver and is sent crashing into the shelves behind him. This knocks over a bottle filled with mysterious cloudy contents that looked to be alive. Giving up hope of figuring out the computer, Dean tells Sam that he knows of someone who might be able to help. The lights go out in the room when the Winchesters leave and the top of the bottle pops open. The gray liquid starts taking on a life of its own and attaches itself to a wall.

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Back to 1935, we resume the discussion between Dorothy, Haggerty, and Jenkins. The wicked witch is tied to a chair beside them, almost as though she were an unwelcomed dinner guest. We could write off the comment Haggerty makes towards Dorothy capturing the witch by herself. I think it has more to do with the fact that she’s a hunter, but she takes it as a disparaging remark towards her gender. It could have been and it probably was, since Haggerty is seriously amused by the entire situation, however what he does later dissolves any negative opinions I had of him.

Dorothy does not like her father. We get this. She doesn’t care that her father would be proud of her. She doesn’t seem to give a flippin’ flop about anything really. This is not the Dorothy we all know and love. She’s rougher, she’s callous, and she’s catty. She cut out the witch’s tongue, just because she could. Dorothy knows and claims that the bonds won’t hold the witch for long and we see here that she is cutting through them with the sharp point of her long creepy nails. That’s probably why, Dorothy. You might want to get on that.

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This place is the last true beacon of light. This is a line that could only be said by Jenkins at this point. His perception of his job and the bunker have not been skewed or corrupted by doubt or hard years on the job. It’s endearing. Doesn’t he remind you of someone? So, he and Haggerty go to look up ways to kill the witch, as Dorothy stays where she is in order to keep a watchful eye on her longtime enemy. Believe me that the witch is getting more pleasure out of being watched as she’s simultaneously freeing herself and thinking of all the ways she can dupe you.

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It’s time for everyone’s favorite computer hacker, Charlie Bradbury. Here is where we learn that Charlie has taken up hunting as a hobby. And she’s been hunting alone. This doesn’t bode well with Dean, and you’re damn right – it shouldn’t. Apparently it went well for her, but there’s something missing. Hunting vampires, demons, and spirits isn’t magical enough for her. Excuse me. They bring her to the computer, where she instantly falls in love, and reveals that the computer is wired to set off whenever there is global badness. Using her Surface, Charlie is able to download all the MoL’s files into her computer, while shamelessly promoting a Microsoft device.

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They’re not over the fact that you hunted alone, Charlie and it’s not a good idea according to the Supernatural books, so why did you do it? Death wish? Do you know what happens to all huntresses in Supernatural? Unpublished books of the Supernatural series are being posted by Becky. Hey, she’s still alive? I actually don’t mind her character and would like to see her again. I think it would be nostalgically uncomfortable for Sam and that makes me happy somehow? Since the download is going to take ages, Sam decides to put his new Game of Thrones season one to good use and pow-wow with Dean and Charlie in his bedroom.

Sam has not settled in nor does he want to be and Dean is a little upset by this, because he considers the bunker their home. They finally have a place where they can live. Goodbye hotel rooms! However, Sam doesn’t feel it, and how appropriate for this Oz themed episode. Dean leaves to go grab more beers aka go off and pout, leaving Sam and Charlie to discuss the lack of magic in hunting. It’s expected that Charlie wants something more, that she wants a quest, and something real, more real than LARPing.

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Sam’s response to this is that magic and quests suck and that they’re all dead ends. This is especially true for the world of Supernatural. Sam and Dean have died multiple times. Every road they go down leads to death. Hell – even their destinies would have brought them to death, where only one of them survived it. Charlie doesn’t realize that true adventure is dangerous and that it usually results in a permanent ending. There is no end game, Charlie.

There is no information on how to kill this witch and she escapes because no one actually gave a shit about securing or checking her binds periodically. One touch to Jenkin’s head has him possessed and speaking the witch’s words. This is the first time we hear that there is something inside the bunker that belongs to her and she wants it. So, it’s possible that the witch allowed herself to get captured just for this reason. Dorothy heads off in the direction of the lab, leaving Haggerty to deal with Jenkins, and unfortunately this leads to killing him. The spell releases and with his dying breath, Jenkins says to Haggerty, you were right, there’s nothing worse than adventure.

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Haggerty is not satisfied with that, not even close. Those last words struck a chord, because that’s the moment that changed what he would be doing with the remainder of his career. Anyways, he heads off to find Dorothy and when he reaches the door, there is a light growing behind it. Dorothy’s last attempt to stop the witch entailed sealing their souls together inside the jar in which the binding spell was cast. Haggerty bursts in, but it’s too late, as no one is there. This is a case that never escapes him, not even for a moment.

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When the trio returns to the lab room, we see that the liquid has manifested into a cocoon of some form. Dean retrieves his knife and cuts into it, where Dorothy collapses to the ground. We learn a couple of things here:

1) The first case worked at the bunker was the one that Dorothy brought to Haggerty and Jenkins, so they were literally sitting around for six months with nothing.
2) Oz is part of the fairy world. (Don’t ask me why I thought that was important, it just was)

Dorothy doesn’t realize that times have changed and that the MoL no longer exists. Sam and Dean are hunters, and Charlie sure as hell isn’t a secretary, although she would be really good at it. The witch makes her way to the dungeon and finds Crowley. What a perfect opportunity for him to get his leverage for later, right? She uses the paper and crayon to write down what she’s after. Meanwhile, we discover that Dorothy is in fact protected by the Witch of the North’s kiss and is immune to anything the wicked witch could do to her. She was also kind enough to tell the Winchesters that the witch is after something inside the bunker.

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The boys leave Charlie and Dorothy to research,while they go to take a look around. Charlie can’t stop fangirling, when Dorothy starts killing the Wizard of Oz tales at every turn. And guess who wrote them? Dorothy’s father. Here comes more resentment as she refers to him as a sad old man. It’s also revealed that her father was a MoL member. There’s a limit to how much a single person can discredit a society of righteous bookworms before Charlie snaps. Hey – they might’ve been sexist, but they were also geniuses. Too bad they weren’t smart enough to identify women as equals? Anyways, Haggerty never stopped working Dorothy’s case, until he retired. Even though he wasn’t able to find Dorothy, he still found a way to fight against the wicked witch by making a deal with a fairy in return for some poppy extract.

I hope that deal wasn’t anything serious for the small amount of extract he received in return.

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Sam and Dean start stalking over by Crowley, who begins whistling Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Let’s just get to the point with this one. In exchange for information on what the witch wants, the Winchesters allow the chain around Crowley’s neck to fall. He shows them the piece of paper where the witch wrote the word, “Key”. He also informs the Winchesters that he directed the witch towards the kitchen, and told her that’s where all the keys are kept. I’m surprised she didn’t turn around and kill him for lying. Then again, Crowley IS a charmer, and her biggest fan.

Heading into the kitchen, the brothers find that it is completely ripped apart. That’s a shame since Dean had just cleaned it. Let’s all take a moment to appreciate all the fine cleaning Dean has done around the bunker. I’m not sure how or when he became domesticated (*cough* Lisa *cough*), but he’s putting it to good use. Charlie and Dorothy come in with the new poppy bullets. One bullet for each person. Unfortunately the most the bullet will do is stun the witch. Dean looks to Charlie and says, that’s my girl.

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Sam mentions that the witch is looking for a key and Dorothy knows immediately which key it is, and what it’s for. It’s the key to Oz. This key will turn any locked door into a portal to get there. If the witch manages to return, she will destroy Oz. Upon seeing what the key looks like out of a page in Dorothy’s journal, Dean remembers where he placed it. It’s in his room with the vintage, first addition Busty Asian Beauties magazine he found while going through inventory.

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So, as usual, when there are four people present, Dean’s first inclination is to split up. He must be suffering from Fred syndrome. Let’s split up gang! Dean and Charlie go to look for the key in his room, while Sam and Dorothy buy them some time. Just before they start heading off, Dean stops Charlie and says that the safest place for her is in the dungeon. But that’s not Charlie. She’s not going to hide, because this is a quest, and she’s on it.

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Sam and Dorothy share common interests, like never finding a place they could call home, never having good home experiences, and preferring the open road to a stable home life. What the fuck? You must like it then. Dorothy turns to see that the witch is behind Sam and fires a shot at her, scaring her off into a green smoke that escapes into the vents, where she is able to travel wherever she damn well pleases. Dorothy suggests they split up to cover more ground. Excuse me. Sam would have died if you hadn’t just been watching his back.

Now, I want to say a few things about the relationship between Dean and Charlie. It’s platonic and unconditional, like that of a brother and a sister. She never ceases to amaze him and his care for her is something vital. You have to remember that Charlie has no one. She doesn’t have a family. Last season Dean discovered that Charlie was keeping her mother alive on life-support for years, because she was terrified of losing her. She wanted to apologize and tell her she loved her one last time. And it was Dean who convinced her to let it go, to shed off that last piece of her dark past. These two characters fall back on each other quite a bit. Don’t ever underestimate their bond.

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So, when Charlie turns and sees the witch standing behind Dean, she calls out to him. The key is stolen and he gets sent flying back. The witch charges up her magic and Charlie takes the hit for him. She sacrifices herself without a second thought. A lot of people were angry, some were even annoyed that she would do this, or that Supernatural would do this again. But this is Charlie and he’s Dean, and there is nothing she wouldn’t do for him, and why wouldn’t she? He’s saved her before and it’s her turn to return the favor. This was a move she made out of impulse and I only feel that this makes Charlie more loveable. Dean comes to, shoots the witch and scares her off.

Then he looks at Charlie.

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The moment itself is fragile, especially when he realizes that she’s gone. The way he reaches for her, grabs her face, and carries her over to the bed. He’s careful and gentle about placing her down. The entire scene is sad and precious when it really shouldn’t be. As I said in the video recap, it’s almost as if these first four episodes were about breaking Dean. Then we have Sam turning the corner and immediately Dean calls for Zeke, who switches over instantly. The angels tells Dean it’s either he heals Sam so that he can leave his body sooner and help rid of the witch, or he could revive Charlie and lose his strength again. Of course Dean chooses the latter. If not for Ezekiel, Dean would have lost Sam, Castiel, AND Charlie. Excuse me.

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When Charlie comes back, she bolts upright all, “Merry Christmas.” We see Ezekiel fall back unconscious and Sam wakes up.

I enjoyed this piece of dialog, so I’m just going to force it on you:

Dean: Charlie.
Charlie: What… Yeah, I know you.
Dean: I told you to stay in the dungeon.
Charlie: I bet you say that to all the girls.

Dean hasn’t been laid in a very long, long time. But still, that was hilarious.

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It’s time for more Dean lies. Maybe one day you’ll get better at it, champ. He doesn’t tell Charlie that she died, but he does tell her that she saved him and how. He also informs Sam that the witch got the drop on him. Dean has a face when he lies and he keeps on using it. Why doesn’t Sam know what this face is yet? Dorothy shows up and apparently the witch is wounded and they should go find her in the nowish sense of urgencies. With one poppy bullet left, Dean and Sam go off to find her and end things once and for all – yeah right. Who is Zeke, Dean? Oh, you must be a little punchy still. Favorite lie ever. No! All of Dean’s lies are my favorite.

This leaves Dorothy and Charlie alone together, where Charlie learns the truth, that she was in fact dead and Dorothy says the line, You’re not a real hunter until you’ve died and come back again. Where does that leave Garth? Anyways, being zapped by the witch is instant death and Dorothy would know. In Charlie’s Heaven, it’s always Christmas and her parents are still alive. So, through Charlie dying we’re able to confirm that Heaven is still running on normal, at least where death is concerned. Thank god. I’d hate to imagine Metatron sashaying around Heaven and mucking things up further.

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The real story of Oz told by Dorothy is that she was curious of her father’s work. As a kid, she was always looking for trouble and adventure. She even hid herself and went on one of her father’s cases to the Emerald City. This is where the resentment comes in. She got left behind and was forced to live in Oz. This was a terrifying event for her, but she met up with three freedom fighters. They believed that Dorothy was destined to defeat the witch and so they protected her, but then the witch turned them into the Tin Man, Lion, and Scarecrow. Then she hunted Dorothy down and killed her. This reaffirms Charlie’s love and adoration for both Dorothy and Oz.

Charlie: Yeah…that never made it to the books.
Dorothy: Sometimes real life is darker than fiction.

Preaching to the choir, sister!

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Back to Sam not thinking of the bunker as his home, because you know, we didn’t get enough of that. At least this time he makes a valid point. Sam has never in his entire life experienced what home feels like, so what would he honestly know what that is? Dean had a few good years with their parents, however Sam was just a baby when their mother died, and their father dragged them on countless hunting trips, or possibly to Bobby’s doorstep. However the hell John Winchester made it work, it was not useful to Sam, at least not in regards to home.

Dean sums it up with, the bunker is the closest thing they have to home and it’s theirs, like really theirs. It’s an argument that I believe he’s won, as Sam remains quiet.

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Dorothy feels that her father wrote the books to ease his guilt over what happened to her, however Charlie rationalizes that the books were actually guides filled with clues. The books led Haggerty to the poppy fields for the extract. Maybe there’s something else they would be able to use? Preferably something with a pointy end. After those words leave Charlie’s mouth, Dorothy realizes that there is something sharp and pointy they could use: The ruby slippers. The girls head to the garage to go get them.

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Meanwhile, while the Winchesters lower their guns thinking the witch is gone… surprise! She’s actually standing right beside Sam. I can’t… With a single touch, she’s able to take control of them both. Holy awkward for Sam/Ezekiel.

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Inside the garage are a bunch of vintage cars. It’s an extremely nice collection. And among them is Dorothy’s ‘bike’. More like motorcycle. I’m kind of wondering if she’ll eventually use the late tin man’s helmet for when she rides around. I find Dorothy’s version of Oz to be intriguing and I wouldn’t mind seeing more of it. And I also love the way Charlie and Dorothy work together. I love their interaction. I can probably go on forever about how adorable this blossoming friendship is, but I won’t. The heels still have magic properties and they can be used to kill the witch.

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Charlie and Dorothy turn to see Sam and Dean standing there, possessed, and not themselves. The witch begins talking through them and reveals her totally unoriginal plans to bring her army to earth (insert eye-roll). She’s set up her caldron upstairs at a door. Is it just me or does she look entirely too much like the evil queen from Snow White? I know it sounds like I’m putting her down, but I like her, folks. She reminds me of my grandmother. Anyways, she unlocks the door with the key and starts summoning the flying monkeys.

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The Supernatural version of Oz looks fucking intense, however not as intense as Charlie swiftly kicking Dean in the nards. She apologizes and escapes her way past him, as Dorothy tosses her the heel, and attempts to hold off Sam and Dean. We don’t actually get to see this fight, which was a bit unfortunate, because when we return to Dorothy, the stick she was fighting with is broken in half on the floor and it looks like she’d taken a few hits. The witch adds that although she cannot kill Dorothy with her own body, theirs – meaning Sam and Dean’s certainly can.

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The witch is about three seconds away from getting what she wants, which is Dorothy dead and her army on the way. But then Charlie slams the heel right into the back of her head. This is enough to break the possession spell on Sam and Dean. Just as the witch turns around, Charlie slams the second heel into the front of her skull, Now heel! It was so amazing. She closes the door on the witch’s army and we see how creepy a good CGI flying monkey looks like. Like, being seriously serious here. How could anyone not have loved this? Charlie saves the day. Ding-dong, bitches. The witch is dead.

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Sam throws Crowley back into his chair and chains him back up. We see the Winchester digging inside his pocket for something – Oh, wait, is it… yes! The paper and crayon, back to square one, darling. Bullocks. Balls. Bullocks. Is this a thing now, Crowley?

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Charlie nods off to Dean to follow her. This is a brief and short confrontation of Hey, Dean thanks for the slumber party, oh and uhm, bringing me back from the dead. Oh, Dean, when will I ever be able to stop oh, Dean-ing you? He asks that she keeps it a secret between them and in return she has him promise to explain it to her later. Does anyone believe that he will? Sam finds the original The Wonderful Wizard of Oz book in the archives and hands it to Dorothy, to which she replies with you have no idea how odd it is having a series of books written about you. Actually, Dorothy.

Dean mentions possibly riding around on Dorothy’s bike… uhm, yes? What would I have to pay in order to see this?

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Dorothy has a rebellion to finish and she invites Charlie to tag along. The thing is, Charlie died, she saved the day, and she got her quest and her adventure. What Charlie needs now is the magic. She takes Dorothy up on her offer and they use the key to make a portal to Oz. Sam and Dean watch as the girls walk off on the yellow brick road, leaving them to sort of marvel at the scenery. This is where they should retire, I mean why not? The doors shuts and when they open again Oz is gone.

Dean: Think she’ll be back?
Sam:  ‘Course. There’s no place like home.

Now, I’m wondering if Sam has finally accepted the bunker as his home. Will we see him embrace this or was he just being ironic? I’m not entirely sure, but I really do hope Sam starts coming around. At this point Dean is more human than Sam and although that’s normal, it still feels weird – like something is missing. I want to see who Sam is more often. Put more into Sam, other than having him possessed. While he’s Sam, let him be Sam. Am I even making any sense?

Next week we get to see Dean Doolittle. So, Dean acting like a dog, sympathizing with dogs, helping dogs? It’s already amazing.

Fuck me. That was a long recap.

*On a side note, E4K is happening again from November 2nd-3rd. If you don’t know what that is, here is a handy dandy link (x) so you can learn more about it. Kevin Tran – Er, Osric Chau (x) has decided to participate by skyping and playing LoL for twenty-four hours straight! He shall endure and guess what? You can join him.

Add him to Skype: kevintranap
Join in the fun here.

This is an event held by Random Acts, therefore it should be no surprise that Misha Collins will be participating as well and he will be running for this event. Wish him good luck and that he remembers to keep warm and damned hydrated.

Everyone is allowed to participate and donate to this amazing cause. I myself have donated and it feels really good knowing that I did something kind and unselfish. Honestly, I spend most of my time being a real shitty person. Oh, god. Why would you say that? Because it’s the horrible truth and that has to end at some point. And where that point ends, something new has to begin, and I’d rather be brave and selfless this second time around.

My downfall as a human is my inconsistency. This blog, my recaps, my video recaps are 1) Doing what I love and not caring if no one else sees it and 2) Doing something I fail at, which is being consistent. I always give up, so this is a challenge for me. I’m putting myself out there, whereas I would rather not be noticed. I’m not saying that donating or participating will give you an epiphany or put you through some form of metamorphosis. I’m not saying that your heart will go from ice to sunshine, but you will notice that a little dose of kindness makes a huge difference.

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Have a great weekend everyone and happy November.